Dissociation: Friend or Foe?

There you are again. 

The fogginess, heavy eyes, frontal cortex shut down, stilted breathing, contracted muscles.

Who am I? Where am I? And why? Am I drowning? Am I dead yet?

The whirling helicopter thrum surrounds me. I am suctioned into the whirlpools of my body and mind.

The darkness spreads across my arms and my legs.

We descend.

In what time zone and dimension will we arrive?

My hands gently massage my feet. You guide me there. An archaic embodied language that many of us have forgotten. There is a sense of simplicity in the complexity.

Turn away. Fear builds up in the system.

Shake you off – like a disgusting liquid.

Face screwed up – like a bad smell.

Run away. Run as fast as you can. Don’t ever stop running.

Shunned. Shamed.

Scapegoat.

The shaking doesn’t scare you. You are not easily scared.

Determined.

Strong.

Committed.

You stick around…patiently waiting.

Persistent.

Conscious in the place of unconsciousness.

Aware and asleep.

Stay awake at the river crossing…otherwise you may drown with no footpath. No footprints. No map of the territory. Terrain remains unknown.

Until next time…and next time…and next time…persistent…committed.

I learn to dance in your waters. To move with the flow of the tides. Take me.

Surrender. Flow.

Trust in the arrival on land once more.

I find that you are not so scary after all.

A place of sanctuary. Safety.

You…saved me. You…protected me…you…

You…love me.

Now you visit with the gift of the past. With the gift of trust. Wisdom.

Time.

You support me back along that footpath, along that pathway. Through the river and those deep forests…back to the sea…the pool of consciousness.

That’s where I find you and the parts of me you have lovingly and loyally tended to…all these years.

Seductive because of love.

I call myself home and you…the loyal harbinger.

Death itself.

The carrier between worlds and dimensions.

The holding place of spirits.

Liminal. Dorsal. Underworld. Ereshkigal.

Until life calls once more.

You carry the imprint of all things. The imprint of nature. Of life itself.

An inherent intelligence.

The dreamer.

I descend once more. Intentionally this time. Walking through the realms with a song in my heart and a spring in my step.

Humming.

Teaching me the alchemy of death and life itself.

Art by Biffno