Musing of a Bygone Social Worker - Child Protection Social Work
I don’t often speak about my experience as a Social Worker, In fact I think this is the first time I have spoken publicly about my work. I worked as a child protection Social Worker for 5 years. I was offered the job within 6 months of graduating university at 21 years old.
It is hard. There is no doubt about that. I left about three years ago (feels like a lifetime) and I have recently considered if I could go back. Right now in my life I honestly don’t think I can and still I get anxiety just thinking about it. It is true that Social Workers particularly in child protection can suffer from PTSD. I recently went for an interview and just being in the building brought up so many memories and my fight, flight response kicked in.
I was very good at what I did but I sometimes look back and wonder how I did it. I’m not the same person anymore. Maybe if I had a more supportive management things would have been different. I saw a big turn over of staff and when I left my department was around 75% agency as many permanent workers had left. I saw my colleagues personal relationships suffer, marriages break down, relationships with their own children strained and some workers drinking every night to cope with the stress. My own relationship of 10 years broke down and whilst I obviously can’t say that that would not have happened anyway, the job did not help.
Yet, I helped a lot of people, I still remember the way some of the kids and parents looked at me, they learnt to trust me, maybe for the first time in their lives they let somebody into their world and believed that they could make a difference. I remember the young mum overwhelmed with three children and the discrimination she was experiencing from others, lies, fantasies about what they thought was happening, not comprehending the seriousness of their accusations and the grief of a mother who is at the cusp of potentially losing her children. I remember her trusting me to help her, I remember her commitment to change, her resilience, her self-belief. I remember her moving home, starting collage and her job at a local charity and I remember the first time I saw her little boy smiling.
I remember the drawings, songs and trinkets the children gifted me. I remember the young girls sweet voice as she sang at the top of her lungs with the windows down in the back of my car, she was on her way back to her Foster Family after having supervised contact with her mother. I remember the hug I received from a young boy who months earlier couldn’t bear to be touched. I remember the dark circles under his eyes disappearing and being replaced with a twinkle.
I remember the hugs, the laugher and joy. These kids, who are some of the strongest human beings I’ve ever met. The heartfelt connections you make for life with people you’ve never met and may never see again. The vulnerability and bravery of the parents who allowed me into their world at one of the darkest times in their lives and shared with me their stories.
I sometimes wonder what’s wrong with me, why can’t I go back but then I remind myself that I dedicated 5 years of my life to helping...that is enough, I’ve done my time. My life is calmer now, I don’t earn as much money but I have more balance. It’s not easy making this decision for yourself particularly if you are a natural helper/healer. Of all the things I’ve done in my life so far and I’ve done some pretty far out, unconventional things, the thought ‘I can’t believe I did that’ comes to mind a lot when I look back at my work as a child protection Social Worker. That is my wholehearted response. Would I recommend it...no, but it’s not my decision, only you will know if your strong enough...and if you are being called, you don’t really have a choice in the matter anyway.